notes pg 21-23
- starting out the essay lets say, is turning out to not have good grammar.
- the essay doesn’t really go into much detail about college sports, it just vaguely talks about sports
- the author talked about how college sports players should be able to major in the sport they are playing because they spend so much time on the specific sport
- she starts talking about how sports in related to drama at Yale. People can major in Drama but not sports.
- in paragraph 7 she needs to define more definitions
- she starts comparing Drama and sports in paragraph 8. Saying that we should stop worrying about Exploiting athletes and if they should be paid
- the essay gets better throughout
- she goes from topic to topic very fast and doesn’t explain much about how the two paragraphs are kinda similar
- the essay gets more informative in the middle of the essay
- she needs to explain why she put the NCAA’s mission statement in the essay
- she needs to explain why she put a quote by Oriard
- needs to define somethings in paragraph 14
- the conclusion was good, explained what should be done to help the NCAA players
Aim of Argument 